I can barely hear her. I am eager to hear every word she might say, but the children – my youngest son, my only daughter, and her best friend are singing along with Sponge Bob and Plankton at the top of their lungs. I am still straining to hear her, even as I entreat the children to be quiet. But, they playfully ignore me and continue singing. I am not angry because no one is whining that their inalienable right to respect as the oldest/youngest/keeper of the Corn Pops/Custodian of the Cinnamon Toast Crunch has been violated. These are happy sounds and I’ll take them.
And I’ll take this call here in front of my computer because we are talking about my book - searching it for errors, lest any make it through to the final printing. Hers are one of the seven sets of eyes that are proofreading and challenging punctuation and word order to the very end. I am eager to see my words through her eyes. I’ve looked at this manuscript for seven years now and it is easy to see past the words on the page, to miss what I’ve written because I know the back-story.
Read the rest of my blog at: http://renee-writinginreallife.blogspot.com/2009/07/guest-blog-in-fullness-of-time.html , where I am guest blogging for writer, Renee Simms.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
An Elusive Equilibrium or … The Myth of Balance
I am in search of equilibrium. It is a seemingly elusive phenomenon - intermittently appearing with its coolly erudite demeanor reducing all forces to zero, a happy peaceful state. Equilibrium demands stasis, some static balance that seemingly stops time and space. I figure if I can find this elusive equilibrium, then I can stop time and space and...
… write a poem, do the laundry, listen to each kid individually, solve their problems accompanied by the swell of 70’s sitcom music, listen to the President’s speech, grade a paper, do my own homework, and write a witty blog while brushing the beagle … every one of these things in that amazing moment when all things are balanced in my universe. Ahhh ... Equilibrium.
Much is being written about finding equilibrium or balance in our everyday lives. Especially, for women who are still trying to have it all - even after the Woman’s Liberation Movement of the 1960’s and 1970’s found itself balanced by the return to Family Values of the 90’s. The excess of the 1980’s was fun. But, we awakened into a world of husbands, children, minivans and mortgages. And, the responsible thing to do with our BA, MBA and/or MFA is to work and earn. But, still cook and clean and rear the next generation who have come to expect and expect.
To prove our value as women, we feel we have to find the balance that enables us to do it all and do it all well. So, now we think, if there is no true equilibrium in our lives and families, it is because we have not found it. So, we continue to search for this equilibrium with all the fervor of a kid on a snipe hunt.
But, what if…the mystery of equilibrium is not the short moments of perfect balance we are sometimes able to achieve? Perhaps the gift is the wide swings that must be corrected in a universe that seeks balance. For instance, (hypothetically), there are times when the kids eat Lil Caesar’s pizza and drink generic soda for dinner while you work desperately to meet your work deadlines. You haven’t done laundry for a while so you pick up a couple packs of underwear from Wal-Mart, and since those distractions are taken care of, you are deeply focused on your writing/work/deadlines and thus, meet all of your deadlines delivering pure genius and intuitively wise work to your peers. Out of balance. No elusive equilibrium, but powerful accomplishment.
And then, having accomplished this, you take a few days off to cook a Thanksgiving dinner in July, cooking each kid’s favorite. You Netflix all of the family favorites and watch endless hours of High School Musical, even to the point of singing your heart out during the sing-along version. You wash the dog until every kid in the house is soapy and the dog is rolling over in the middle of your bed to dry herself. You don’t clean the overflowing trash can in your office. You skip the department potluck. You laugh so loud and long, you begin to snort. Out of balance. No elusive equilibrium, but you put very happy, tired kids to bed for a few nights in a row.
What might equilibrium look like? An adequately healthy meal (think lots of green beans) put on the table by a hurried, but adequate mother. Underwear washed and folded in the drawer. The dog dropped off at the groomer and you sit in the waiting area wildly typing your writing/work/deadline stuff into your PDA. You make a High School Musical date with your kids via Facebook. They giggle that you are on Facebook. Everyone is in bed by 10:00 p.m. You keep your promises. You make your deadline. Balance. You have attained the elusive equilibrium…
But somehow, equilibrium sounds so staid. Boring even. So adequate, but not ecstatically enjoyable on any account. The focus necessary to successfully ride the wide swing of controlled chaos makes for passion and intensity. Moreover, intensity and passion, brings … well, I will leave that to your imagination. This is not to say that things left to the last minute are done with greater passion and intensity than things well planned and thought out. I am suggesting that concentrated stretches of time when extreme focus is possible make room for genius. However, this stretch of concentrated time and focus is only really achievable when there is a moment of imbalance.
Now, in defense of equilibrium, underwear should be washed in a timely manner. Healthy dinners are important to good health. Yes, we all need a reasonable ‘norm.’ However, suppose the ‘norm’ is merely a touchstone – a marker to stray from and then return to time and time again.
Maybe, life is the sweetest during the wild swings in between equilibrium…
… write a poem, do the laundry, listen to each kid individually, solve their problems accompanied by the swell of 70’s sitcom music, listen to the President’s speech, grade a paper, do my own homework, and write a witty blog while brushing the beagle … every one of these things in that amazing moment when all things are balanced in my universe. Ahhh ... Equilibrium.
Much is being written about finding equilibrium or balance in our everyday lives. Especially, for women who are still trying to have it all - even after the Woman’s Liberation Movement of the 1960’s and 1970’s found itself balanced by the return to Family Values of the 90’s. The excess of the 1980’s was fun. But, we awakened into a world of husbands, children, minivans and mortgages. And, the responsible thing to do with our BA, MBA and/or MFA is to work and earn. But, still cook and clean and rear the next generation who have come to expect and expect.
To prove our value as women, we feel we have to find the balance that enables us to do it all and do it all well. So, now we think, if there is no true equilibrium in our lives and families, it is because we have not found it. So, we continue to search for this equilibrium with all the fervor of a kid on a snipe hunt.
But, what if…the mystery of equilibrium is not the short moments of perfect balance we are sometimes able to achieve? Perhaps the gift is the wide swings that must be corrected in a universe that seeks balance. For instance, (hypothetically), there are times when the kids eat Lil Caesar’s pizza and drink generic soda for dinner while you work desperately to meet your work deadlines. You haven’t done laundry for a while so you pick up a couple packs of underwear from Wal-Mart, and since those distractions are taken care of, you are deeply focused on your writing/work/deadlines and thus, meet all of your deadlines delivering pure genius and intuitively wise work to your peers. Out of balance. No elusive equilibrium, but powerful accomplishment.
And then, having accomplished this, you take a few days off to cook a Thanksgiving dinner in July, cooking each kid’s favorite. You Netflix all of the family favorites and watch endless hours of High School Musical, even to the point of singing your heart out during the sing-along version. You wash the dog until every kid in the house is soapy and the dog is rolling over in the middle of your bed to dry herself. You don’t clean the overflowing trash can in your office. You skip the department potluck. You laugh so loud and long, you begin to snort. Out of balance. No elusive equilibrium, but you put very happy, tired kids to bed for a few nights in a row.
What might equilibrium look like? An adequately healthy meal (think lots of green beans) put on the table by a hurried, but adequate mother. Underwear washed and folded in the drawer. The dog dropped off at the groomer and you sit in the waiting area wildly typing your writing/work/deadline stuff into your PDA. You make a High School Musical date with your kids via Facebook. They giggle that you are on Facebook. Everyone is in bed by 10:00 p.m. You keep your promises. You make your deadline. Balance. You have attained the elusive equilibrium…
But somehow, equilibrium sounds so staid. Boring even. So adequate, but not ecstatically enjoyable on any account. The focus necessary to successfully ride the wide swing of controlled chaos makes for passion and intensity. Moreover, intensity and passion, brings … well, I will leave that to your imagination. This is not to say that things left to the last minute are done with greater passion and intensity than things well planned and thought out. I am suggesting that concentrated stretches of time when extreme focus is possible make room for genius. However, this stretch of concentrated time and focus is only really achievable when there is a moment of imbalance.
Now, in defense of equilibrium, underwear should be washed in a timely manner. Healthy dinners are important to good health. Yes, we all need a reasonable ‘norm.’ However, suppose the ‘norm’ is merely a touchstone – a marker to stray from and then return to time and time again.
Maybe, life is the sweetest during the wild swings in between equilibrium…
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